Thursday, October 15, 2009

Goodbye Summer!

Things I learned this summer:

1. Anthon LOVES corn on the cob.
2. Parks in Allen are amazing.
3. Anthon really LOVES corn on the cob.
4. I'm stronger than I thought I was.
5. Kirk is even more amazing than I thought he was.
6. Anthon really likes corn on the cob.
7. Erilyn is not so fond of dancing in the rain.
8. Anthon loves dancing in the rain.
9. Erilyn loves picnics at the park, or anywhere, really.
10. Anthon loves corn on the cob.

Goodbye summer of 2009! I'll always remember you:)

 

 

 
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Goodbye Grandma and Grandpa!

A couple more of Dad and Anthon playing together and then saying goodbye!

 

 

 

 
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Anthon and Grandpa

I have this beautiful picture of Dad and Anthon somewhere. Really, it's amazing. Anthon is only about 18 months old, but they're walking together on this dirt road holding hands and the sunlight is just perfect and there's a beautiful valley behind them. Anyway, when I find it, I'll post it. In the mean time, here are a few with Anthon and his new best friend. He really got attached to Grandpa while they were here. They constantly played together, and Anthon even took to imitating the way Dad sat, kneeled for prayer, etc. So cute. I'm SOOO grateful you guys could come. Thanks for making the gargantuan effort! We love you!

And yes. We got Dad into the pool. This is, I think, the first time I've seen Dad in shorts since I was Anthon's age. That guy can hold his breath at least twice as long as I can under water. Not bad, Dad. Not bad at all.

 

 

 
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A few memories from Mom and Dad's visit...

 

 

 

 
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Way back when...

A few pictures from the olden days...or before the age of the whooping cough:)

Erilyn as big sister and Anthon's first day of first grade. Which kind of got overlooked with the new baby, the move, and the hospital debaucle. We love you, Anthon! And are so proud of you!




 

 
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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Feeling the love

Boy! I should write depressing blogs more often! Thank you to everyone who emailed me, called, me, or otherwise showed their love. I so appreciated it!

By the way...TANNER'S HOME! I just brought him home today. It was kind of sudden, and Heavenly Father sure did teach me a lesson.

You see, after my meltdown earlier this week, I said in my prayer, (omit the snarky overtones, please...I sound like less of a brat if you do...) "Okay. Fine. I give up. Clearly nothing I'm doing is going to help Tanner to come home any sooner. Apparently, nothing the doctors are doing is going to help Tanner to come home any sooner. It seems you're the only one that can help him, so he's all yours. I'll just do my best to let go, and have faith."

And whadduya know. Two days later, I'm driving home with Tanner in the back seat. Thank you, Lord. I get it now. It's not up to me. I have no control. I know now to trust thee, and have faith, and to feel thy love. And THANK YOU for sending Tanner home!

Quick story: I bought Erilyn some new shoes and after putting them on her, I said, "Well? Do you like them? They're good for running and kicking." She kind of sighed, and then said, "Well, they're not Sketchers." ?!?! I guess that's what I get for letting her watch commercials.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A more recent, and less pitiful, picture of Tanner

 


Whadduya know? The sun really does come out tomorrow...or today, as the case may be. And today, I can say, "We're hangin' in there!"
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Monday, October 5, 2009

Trying to look forward.

 


I've been quite emotional the past couple of days, so prepare yourselves, all who enter here. And to that, I say, it's about time.

Let me backup a bit.

Eons ago, it seems, we moved here to Allen. At the time I was patting myself on the back for managing everything so well. A new baby, a new job, a new home, a new ward, a new school...you get the idea. Then, wham. Tanner gets admitted to the hospital. Despite the amazing support of family (Mom and Dad were here to help us move), neighbors, and members of our new ward, I no longer have the strength to put on a smile and say, "we're hanging in there!" At least today I don't. After a few weeks, the meals stopped coming and the playdates stopped happening, but Tanner remained in the hospital. I kept telling myself, "a few more days. Surely he'll be able to come home soon." And so I lived between worlds: the "Yeah! We have a new house! A new job! A great new ward! Great neighbors! So many fun new parks and places to explore!" world, and the "when Tanner comes home..." world. It's a lone and dreary place, this between worlds. I can't quite seem to allow myself to feel excited, but with all the new and wonderful things just waiting for me, I can't quite seem to let myself cry, either. And lets face it. Sometimes a girl just needs a good cry. Which brings me back to "it's about time."

It started when, this past week, things started humming around Tanner at the hospital. The nurses were making calls to get me into a CPR refresher course. A home health company representative came and trained me on how to use a heart monitor at home. Nurses and doctors would whisper behind my privacy curtain, consulting on "Tanner." Then, my "General Conference" miracle. They said I could bring him home on Sunday. Our house flew into action: laundry, cleaning bathrooms, scrubbing floors, organizing, grocery shopping...I needed to be "ready." Sunday morning dawned a beautiful day. But then...false alarm. Given the events of the past night, the doctor no longer feels comfortable letting him go. And while, of course, I want what's best for Tanner, I fell apart. 6 weeks of juggling, and all the balls came tumbling down. Today, after a 45 minute discussion with his doctor, and many more tears, I must gear myself up for what could possibly be another month of dividing my time between home, and, as Erilyn calls it, the "hostipal." Close sweetheart, so close.

The kids no longer cling to me as I'm leaving. I don't know if that's better, or worse than their tearful expressions of, "Don't go, Mommy." Either way, my heart breaks at least twice a day: when I have to leave Anthon and Erilyn yet again, and when I have to leave my sweet, cuddly baby alone in the hospital.

I've seen tremendous blessings come into my life during this hard time, not the least of which comes in the form of my dear Kirk, but tonight, I'm wallowing.

Sigh.
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